But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
