why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
