at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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