I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
