My room smells like vodka and shame
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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