I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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