Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
