I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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