make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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