Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You made out with two different species that night
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
