I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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