i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
