How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
