some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
