Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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