His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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