I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You are a genius and a whore.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
