He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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