i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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