Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
