I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
