My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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