I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
