Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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