I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
