I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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