Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
