I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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