I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
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My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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