apparently the secret to your success is patron
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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