hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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