Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
