what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
