Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
