It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
