My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
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