you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
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I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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