I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize