i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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