Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
