HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
