also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
