people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
