Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
