my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I FOUND THE LEGS
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
