You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
