I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
