At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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