oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
