There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
