sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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