you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
