Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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