Capitaan dildo arrescate!
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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