I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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