How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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