I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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