i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
