Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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